Sleeping is hard lately. It could be the usual suspects; work, love. I used to be a habitual sleeptime worrier before trading that for just being chronically anxious and depressed at some point.
It could be the avoidance thing. Late nights filled with loud noises and substance use interleaved with early sleep taken out of an unwillingness to be concious more than anything else.
Maybe it’s the fact that after years of AI being a buzzword the recent leaps forward around LLMs make it feel like we’re finally at the dawn of genuine consciousness or an existential threat. I promise this is not going to be about GPT. Goddess knows we don’t need more noise about that.
03:21
I’m reminded of the exact physical rooms where I first learned to program. Writing the lines in a pristine Notepad++ is a very distinct memory. The first file, `<html><head>test</head><body>hello world</body></html>` makes my browser do as instructed. Cory Doctorrows words come to mind in retrospect, I must’ve read Little Brother around the same time:
If you’ve never programmed a computer, you should. There’s nothing like it in the whole world. When you program a computer, it does exactly what you tell it to do. It’s like designing a machine — any machine, like a car, like a faucet, like a gas-hinge for a door — using math and instructions. It’s awesome in the truest sense: it can fill you with awe.
The PHP scripts to run text based adventures and mazes are not a year later, wildly inefficient both in terms of volume of poorly copy/pasted code and space-time complexity. Collaboration is painstakingly done by editing files directly on a server over unsecured FTP with FileZilla, occassionally leading to losing progress due to overwriting files or bedroom computers being turned off midd-process overnight. Perfeclty acceptable for 2010 schoolwork, perfectly acceptable five years later at my first few real software job. I briefly ponder if we didn’t overcomplicate things since git and Docker.
03:43
The birds are waking up. Audio messages of loved ones on a night out roll in. I’m reminded of XKCD 313, the madness can’t be that far away now. I realise I’m surrounded by people picking up skills in a world that simultaneously has improved the process of self-learning beyond recognition and has massively expanded the things to be learned before one is useful. I’m not sure I’d be able to make the journey for the first time if it were today.
04:12
We post to tumblr in absence of a personal online space to put this. For all my years of computer I’m still to have a proper personal website. Maybe revisit that bespoke artisan blog engine again soon.
Remove support for big-endian i386 and amd64.
Before someone suggests the OpenSSL people are junkies, here is what they
mention about this:
/* Most will argue that x86_64 is always little-endian. Well,
* yes, but then we have stratus.com who has modified gcc to
* "emulate" big-endian on x86. Is there evidence that they
* [or somebody else] won't do same for x86_64? Naturally no.
* And this line is waiting ready for that brave soul:-) */
So, yes, they are on drugs. But they are not alone, the stratus.com people are,
too.
every person can feel freddie’s presence in their souls when they sing MAMAAAAAA UUHHHH, I DONT WANNA DIE, I SOMETIMES I WISH I’VE NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALL with all the air in their lungs i’m not joking
it’s fucking crazy to think about the amount of people who have sung bohemian rhapsody? like it’s such a unifying song, by nature of the fact that so many people know it. it holds so many good memories for me and other people. it’s a song you scream in the car with your friends while you drive around your boring hometown, it’s a song you drunkenly sing with your arm around your best friend, or a song you sing along to with strangers when it’s on in public. it’s bittersweet to think about freddie’s legacy carrying on like that through his masterpiece. freddie carries on because he’s a part of so many people’s good memories and bohemian rhapsody is a huge part of that.
Reblog if you have sung bohemian rhapsody with your friends
every time i see this post i’m reminded of the video of 65,000 people singing bohemian rhapsody in near-perfect harmony
like, what other song can make that claim?
Some of the highlights of that video include:
The crowd cheering after the first stanza when they realize what they’re all doing
So many people audibly ‘doing the guitar parts’… like ya do
The sheer number of voices joining the rediculous falsetto (thanks, Roger)
How they all start jumping at the ramp-up “so you think you can stomp me”
Hands up, hundreds, thousands deep for the final “ooooo”s and the last line to close the song
Only days before my state went into lockdown, “Bohemian Rhapsody” came on in the restaurant kitchen I’d just been hired at and, no shit, every single worker in that little diner started singing along. Me (the only queer afaik), the manager, all the other kitchen workers, the dishwasher up front, the two people on the counter, all but two of the men over 30. Just belting out Freddie Mercury at the top of their lungs. And you can bet when “sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all” came around, we every single one of us ramped up the intensity and basically made sure Freddie could hear us in the afterlife.
isn’t it insane though how schizophrenic people are viewed as violent and dangerous by the majority of society when in reality schizophrenic people are nearly 14 times more likely to be on the receiving end of violence than to be the perpetrators…
schizophrenic person: makes a post trying to raise awareness about the disproportionate abuse and harmful stereotypes schizophrenic people face
yall: “yeah im not gonna reblog this they used the word ins*ne which is so problematic ://”
What the fuck happens that changes these stats to such a massive degree?
1) schizophrenia hardly ever causes people to be violent so schizophrenic people aren’t more likely to be violent than anyone else
2) schizophrenic people’s autonomy is often taken away from them because of their schizophrenia. because the authorities and mental healthcare providers often automatically assume schizophrenic people to be violent, they’re more likely to immediately react to schizophrenic people’s symptoms with violence, without even knowing for sure said schizophrenic person was going to be violent. all of this causes schizophrenic people to be more likely of being victims of violence and abuse. schizophrenic people also have a harder time getting out of abusive households because of the risk of their autonomy being taken away. if a schizophrenic person’s relative or partner is abusive, often the schizophrenic person has no way out of the situation, both because our disconnect from reality can result in us being easier to manipulate, and because the system is built in a way that it takes away our autonomy because of our condition.
also schizophrenic people and psychotic people in general, please do a lot of research before picking a provider for your own sake, and if they try to treat your psychosis in a way that you think is harmful then don’t hesitate to switch providers. your safety and wellbeing should be a priority over everything else.
you know it’s time to go to bed when the existential crisis strolls in
if it’s the middle of the night and you suddenly hate yourself because you don’t read enough or your job sucks or you’re single or gender continues to happen or you gained weight or whatever is knocking on your… brain door? at ass o'clock at night, that is your brain saying it’s time to go the fuck to sleep, the crisis can come back during business hours
and yes, I DO have to be up for work in like 6 hours, mr. crisis, thank you for noticing
this sounds like advice but the advice is for me. go the fuck to sleep, tumblr user xenosaurus
the weirdly aggressive “this doesn’t work for me so fuck you” people found this post and my notifications haven’t known peace since